Not My Timetable

One of the things that irks me the most
(If the pot can complain to the potter)
Is that God doesn’t act on my timetable.
Or, as a friend put it, “Why does God bring me
To the breaking point before he acts?
Why couldn’t he act just before my breaking point?”

One example: a client owed Phil tens of thousands of dollars.
Months of work, and expenses we’d covered
Out of pocket. But now our savings were gone, the credit card due.
The client finally promised the check was in the mail.
It should reach us just in time to cover all our bills.
The last day came: the check was not in that day’s mail.

I had read George Muller. I knew that God provides.
My faith was not at fault, as best as I could tell.
I had believed the check would come, and it had not.

I wailed then, keening over my crushed expectation.
I had no place in my understanding of God for this
Sudden lack of provision. How could it be?

Twenty minutes later, the doorbell rang, mid-scream.
A check had come by FedEx overnight.
So the check was not, actually, in the mail,
But it reached us in time to cover all bills.
God had provided.

And yet, I think back on this story and remember
How sucker-punched I felt. Why could FedEx not have come
One minute before the mailman, so I could have not
Stumbled in my faith?
Was my reaction unwarranted?
Can I even protest the timing, since the provision arrived?

It would have been a great story,
Except that it feels, even now, like a slightly mean trick.
If the pot can complain to the potter.
(Probably not advised.)