We hope for intimacy between spouses.
Can we have it between friends?
The Bible shows the beauty
Of deep friendship between
David and Jonathan,
Describing it:
Your love for me was wonderful,
Better even than the love of women.
I don’t think that was a sexual relationship.
But clearly it was deeply intimate.
Do men have friendships like this with other men?
Some women have their best friends,
And some spouses share camaraderie.
And there might be, sometimes,
Friendships across gender lines.
But for the one who doesn’t identify as straight:
Can she have a close female friend?
Not a sexual partner, but simply a close friend?
What would be the scriptural prohibition?
Can there be space for deepening of relationships
Of all types, perhaps with a little less
Legalistic worry about
Ever riding in a car alone?
I’m all for fleeing sexual immorality.
But I wouldn’t mind increasing in brotherly affection.
Have we thrown out all possibility
Of deep relationship with a large portion of the world?
But does anyone have the emotional capacity to have more than one intimate [ non sexual] relationship? I'm not sure we do.
ReplyDeleteIt's an interesting question. I wonder if it could be like having children: you think you love one, and then you have another, and you love that one, too. I wonder if it's possible to have love multiply to an extent that we don't realize, either because we're afraid or because we don't find like-minded friends or because, yes, we run out of time or emotional energy.
ReplyDeleteBut maybe then the Spirit fills us? Maybe that's part of truly learning to cast our cares, and our friends' cares, on him?
I don't know! But I can say that we feel like our hearts are expanding these days, as we have more friends, both in quantity and in depth.
I like to think we can - I feel like my grandparents each had beautiful, deep friendships, even across gender, and more 'tolerance' I guess for greater intimacy among friends. I have certainly seen that intimacy in other cultures where the word 'friend' won't do -when you are accepted you earn the honored title of aunt or uncle, especially where more intimate relationships also imply more liberal sharing of resources. If your car isn't working and there aren't loans available, these friends become family in a much broader and tangible sense. It seems there is much Biblical evidence of a more familial relationship among believers as well - why would we call one another brothers and sisters were it not so? So maybe then intimacy among friends is too forward. Maybe you are building a family instead. If the word 'friend' leaves open the possibility for a relationship that changes - falling apart or becoming something more than friendship - the words 'brother', 'sister', 'uncle', and 'aunt' are a bit more clear.
ReplyDeleteThat is totally true. I really like that perspective, a sense of covenant and permanence.
ReplyDeleteI still feel that there is a problem with intimacy where you wish your emotional needs to be met by some one not your spouse. Maybe I have not met the right people or maybe my unspoken needs are too great, but I have never been able to have a heart relationship with another woman without feeling I am jeopardizing my marriage.
ReplyDeleteThat is interesting. I wouldn't say I have a BFF, though I have had heart friends in my life and count them as my treasures.
DeleteI think, though, I'm wondering if there's a way, as the body of Christ, if we can love one another better. I haven't thought much about my emotional needs, but it seems that my life is more rich if I have more than just my nuclear family that I can hug; more people to buy and receive gifts; more people to encourage and encourage me; more people to spend time with; more people to serve and be served. The love multiplies.
I think I'm also wondering: what would relationships look like if we threw out fear?
I don't think I have answers. But this has been part of my questioning for some time.