Servant's Heart

A prayer minister said that the most vital thing
For a prayer minister is to have a servant’s heart.

I’ve thought about a servant’s heart for years.
Pre-teens, I overheard my mom and aunt discussing
A younger cousin: she had a servant’s heart, always spotted
Where the need was and went to fill it.
I don’t remember whether my own lack in that area was explicitly
Noted or made conspicuous by the lack of praise directed my way.
Truly, I had no servant’s heart.

My grandma, that same visit: “Amy always knows
What she wants and goes and gets it.”
She saw me at most two weeks a year,
And pegged this essential part of me.
Decisiveness hardly meshes with a servant’s heart.
Jesus, after all, emptied himself and took the form of a servant.
I noted how I would like to be filled, and went and did it.

Two decades later and more, I think about my heart.
I’m still not a servant.
Some people, when they ask if they can help,
Actually mean it. Not me.
If I’m going to give of money or time, I want it to be on my terms.
I generally still know what I want and seek to get it.
I’m just old enough now to know that I don’t always succeed.

So does that rule me out for prayer ministry?
Or will God use a misshapen vessel like me?