Flute I

I don’t usually think I’m lacking confidence.
So I was surprised to look back and find
My high school self lacked confidence in music.
Because I spent a large amount of time
Practicing the audition piece until it was perfect,
I assumed I had cheated the system,
Created an illusion of exceptionality
Where none actually existed.

I look back now on what I played,
And wonder at my self-effacement.
I played music with thirty-second notes.
I played long tones ten minutes a day,
And the entire circle of fifths.
I could transpose in my head two or three intervals,
Play music with any amount of sharps or flats,
Sight read reasonably well,
And, if given time and space, could sometimes
Play simple music by ear.
I could tell, sometimes, what specific notes
Were sharp or flat, and adjust accordingly.
Songs I performed, in a wedding, at church,
The national anthem at the state swim meet,
Were all so easy.

I say this not to brag (at least not much),
But more in astonishment that despite all that,
I didn’t think I was very good at the flute,
That any acclamation was a fluke
And actually undeserved.