Suicide

When I lived in a boarding house,
The house parents spoke of a cheerful resident
Who entered the military and killed herself.
Except they didn’t believe that official story.
“She was always so cheerful! Not one to do that.”

I think of myself as normal and healthy,
But even then I thought, I also am cheerful and
I think about suicide regularly.

I mentioned this to a homeopath once.
“Most people consider it,” she said.
“But who really wants to admit to such thoughts?”

I know now that wheat exposure triggers the word in my mind.
I ate Thai food on Tuesday and have now had
Three days of casual consideration of killing myself.

I have no method in mind,
Just the occasional whisper that maybe
The world would be a better place
If I wasn’t in it.

I don’t believe that whisper.

If you, too, hear the whisper,
Don’t believe it either.