Abraham's Seeing

When Adam and Eve sinned,
God walked in the Garden
And called for them
And they hid.

Fifteen chapters later,
The LORD finally appears again,
Having spoken to Noah,
Spoken to Abraham.

But now the LORD appears
To Abraham,
Both to give the guarantee
Of life of a child,
And the promise
Of destruction of a city.

The promise of a child
And destruction of evil.

The last time the LORD appeared,
This was also his promise:

The woman’s seed
Will crush
The serpent’s head.

Genesis

I confessed my ennui
To God.
So many reads through Genesis.
I told myself I hadn’t plumbed the depths.

I started to read about Hagar,
That household servant,
Pregnant by her master,
Fleeing mistreatment by her mistress.

The angel of the LORD found her.

The angel of the LORD found her.

The angel of the LORD hasn’t been mentioned before.

Hagar calls him Jehovah El Roi,
The God who sees.

First he found the knocked up Egyptian woman.

Later he found me.

Chastened, I note:
I was bored with Genesis.

Hear This Now

Please say no to any imposition on your precious time and resources. As, of course, I am here in Virginia now and for the foreseeable future and can come around on a plethora of later days!

If you are going to be hospitable,
You need to realize that

There might not be later days.

This world changes day by day,
And if you don’t say yes today,

The same opportunity will not come again.

Each visit is precious.
Do not let one go to waste.

Eggplant

Last week I read about listening prayer
In a group setting.

We had a group assembled,
So we tried it.

One person saw
An eggplant.

We all laughed about that,
A random purple fruit
That sends Phil into
Anaphylactic shock.

Not until this morning
Did I remember
That I should have asked
How my friend felt.

Because if the feeling was good,
That would be indicative of good.

And then I remembered
A tidbit from reading years ago.

Eggplant is not a simple crop.
It requires more effort than most.
It requires more nurture and care.

So an eggplant becomes
A symbol of first fruits,
Of something not quite usual,
But beautiful.

An eggplant could be
A symbol of the church in our home,

Or even the attempt to listen
And the risk in sharing.

Rest

I woke up
On the wrong side of the bed,
And before ten,
I had to apologize to
Three
Members of my family.
So tired. And
Grumpy, grumpy, grumpy.

So how beautiful,
When listening to God,
I heard simply,
“Come unto me
And I will give you rest.”
And I felt

Rest.

So Proud

What God had last season was great. But it is over. I can’t grasp what He has for me in this season until I let go of what is past.

My friend has breast cancer.
She started chemo.
Her hair is coming out.

She bought a wig
And had a party at the salon.
They cut off the long, thick hair
Until it was short and stylish.

When her hair grows back,
My friend knows that even short will be okay.

They styled the wig
And she returned home, beautiful.

I cry for my friend because
She follows hard after God.
Though she sorrows sometimes,
Her sorrow soon rests
In trust.

Dinner Church, Week One

New things, I suppose,
Are often awkward.
But I was unprepared for the
Intensity of uncertainty
In what we were attempting,
We, with our five intrepid friends.

We did a manuscript study
Of Philemon,
Where Paul calls Timothy
Brother,
And also friend Philemon,
And also Philemon’s slave Onesimus.

Where Paul, in bonds,
Asks Philemon to receive his slave
As a brother beloved.

Later, I saw my son’s paper.
Paul sent greetings to Philemon’s family,
“And to the church that meets in thy house.”

Jadon had written: “This is us!”

Dinner Church, Week Two

Two people came.
One said:

I left last week encouraged.
I would invite people to this.

And we talked,
Over food and wine,

And, later, over S’mores.
It was a time of rest with our household.

Dinner Church, Week Three

When you come together, each one has a hymn, a lesson, a revelation, a tongue, or an interpretation. Let all things be done for building up.

Four came tonight,
Added to the three in our house who engage.

One brought a prayer of St. Francis.
Most High, glorious God,
Enlighten the darkness of my heart and give me
True faith, certain hope, and perfect charity, sense and knowledge,
Lord, that I may carry out Your holy and true command.

One saw a vision,
Of our friend, in the sea, hit again and again by the waves,
But in the end, rest.

One had spent hours,
Looking at the words used in the Bible.
The most common word is
Unto.
A word of movement.
A word of change.
(The second most common:
Lord.)

One had a lesson on
Discipleship.
We want people to follow Jesus, yes.
But we want them to be
World changers, too.

All adults prayed.
All laughed.

One had a new tattoo:
And yet.

One had just obeyed a difficult instruction.
And it hadn’t turned out perfectly.
We talked it through, wanting to build up.

We shared a meal, and
The Lord’s supper, and
A bottle of white wine, and
Talked about whether white counted
For communion. Does the color matter?

The two hours, four hours, six hours
That friends stayed
Passed in fellowship and
Joy.

Circles of Bereavement

In the center: the person closest to trauma.
In the next ring: the inner circle.
The third ring: those next closely affected.
The fourth ring: progressively less connected.

The rule: only direct your grief to outer circles.

If you are in the center, you can speak to any and all.
But if you are on the outside, do not speak inward.
Do not pile grief on grief.

Nice and Cozy

I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man.

Paul says that a woman not
Teach and exercise authority
Over the man.

The argument is:
This is one action, not two.

We say, The baby looks
Nice and cozy
And we don’t mean
That the baby looks
Kind and also warm.
No. Simply that the baby
Looks very warm.

So a woman should not
Teach with authority,
That is to say,
She is not the final arbiter.

Teach: yes, please.
Prophesy: of course.
Correct, instruct, serve: absolutely.

Act as elder, determining doctrine?
No. That’s the line.

An Interesting Thought

Men and women move toward homogeneity
In the world.
Equal pay. Equal tasks.

But maybe as believers we can
Celebrate
The ways that we are different.

Maybe we can receive male and female
As a gift.

Upright

My friend is like the upright center
Of a game spinner.
So much revolves around her.

And as we prayed, I had a different picture,
Similar in shape,
Of a tepee, coming around her,
An upright shape on the earth,

A cocoon of comfort, rest, warmth, nourishment.
A place of companionship and peace.

This is a good picture for my
Upright friend.

Shot

Three degrees of separation from me,
A girl walked to her car,
Headed for work,
When a woman walked up behind her

And shot her in the back of the head.

Two days on life support,
Then death.

Her organs went out to offer life to others.

One degree of separation from me,
My friend deals with the fourth death
In two months,

Knowing a fifth may come at any time.

And so we pray.

What else can we do?

Growing Up

I read a graphic novel
To the middle three boys.

I sat on the floor by my bed,
One son on the right,
One son on the left,
One son behind.

The oldest came in at times,
But mostly did his own thing.

The youngest came in at times,
But mostly did his own thing.

Reading aloud to only three.

My oldest is growing up.

Desperation

I need clarity,
Cries my friend.

I need to hear from God,
And am not finding that easy.

And so we pray,
Still pray,

With all the exhaustion
And desperation

Born of long love
And great sorrow.

This Explains a Lot

When I admired her potted herbs and tomatoes,
My friend took no responsibility.

Her husband is the gardener.
To be a gardener, she said,

Requires patience and problem-solving.
This explains much of why I am not a gardener,

As I have neither.
I am ever grateful for the grocery store.

A Teenager

I heard today that my friend
Ran into Jadon in a retail shop
During his birthday celebration.
“Hi, Jadon, how are you?” she asked.

“Fine, thank you. And how are you?”
He answered, looking her in the eye.

We have practiced this at divers times,
Since inherent reticence runs deep.

“He treated me like a person!
Like I was important!”

My friend was blown away.
And I thought of The Wheel on the School,
That glorious children’s book,
In which the marginalized adults
Become real to the children,
As they interact for the first time.

I want to encourage that reality.

Hi, Mom!

After visiting a friend,
I returned to a chipper,
“Hi, Mom!”
With a wave and a smile
From my one-year-old.

He speaks!

A Date

The last time we went out,
Just the two of us,
Was

Okay, we don’t remember
Exactly, but maybe 2007,
Though it might have been 2005.

A friend with five
Took our five, too,
And we had an outstanding meal
By ourselves

And then dropped by to visit friends
Who were at our wedding

Fifteen years ago today.

Clad in Orange

Our little guy,
Clad in orange,
Pats us to get our attention
And leads us to where he wants us
To go.

Riven

I looked for verses that said,
“I called unto the LORD
And he heard me not”

But found none.

I looked for verses that said,
“The LORD sent death
Because of their lack of faith”

But found none.

As you walk this path,
You are heard.
You are faithful.

And, yes, you are riven.

Interesting

Who wrote Romans?
Paul.

Who was the amanuensis?
Tertius.

Who delivered the letter?
Phoebe.

If the Romans had questions as they read, who would they ask?
Phoebe.

So … was Paul against women speaking in church?

Light in the Darkness

Nine-thirty at night,
Caleb put on his shoes
And headed outside.

I followed him into the dark,
And we watched the lightning
In the distance.

Inner-cloud, mostly,
Lighting the sky.
Cumulonimbus fireworks

Far away.

Looking at Clouds

If clouds are nature’s free art show,
Know the masterpieces you see.

Cumulus are the puffy sheep,
Piled up in the blue.

Cumulonimbus are the tyrant kings,
Sending lightning, rain, and hail.

And that’s all I’ve learned thus far,
But I look at the sky in new appreciation

And anticipation.

Clouds

Clouds may block out our beloved sun, the very heat of which gives rise to them, but they also let us see it. A thin layer of cloud called a Stratus is the very thing that can allow us to look directly at the Sun without damaging our eyes. By obscuring, clouds let us see the light.

We were up in town
And saw the sun, red,
Low in the evening sky,
Well obscured by clouds.

And I would have liked to stare,
As the red sun was mesmerizing
And beautiful,
But simply to see its roundness was enough.

The clouds let us see the light.
A paradox of beauty.

Unexpected

Isaiah made two rocket ships
Out of bar magnets,
Intricate constructions.

He asked if I could tell what was inside.
Yes. A few Duplos lurked deep within.

No, he said. Not Duplos.
Those are

Zombie cows.

Finding Rest

When you first came and talked to us,
I didn’t sleep through the night
For weeks,
Processing your pain.

Your pain is not gone now,
But you show hints of joy,
Like the iced land of Narnia,
Now showing glints of spring.

A Straw

My friend found herself
A conduit of the Holy Spirit.

There is no pride,
Any more than the straw

Could claim to be the source of
The water of life for the thirsty.

No. But the straw still
Plays

A part
And there is honor and joy in that.

Answers

I have been struck this week,
Again and again,
That if I ask questions—
And listen—
I get answers.

For example:

Q: Did I make the wrong decision?
A: Are you doing well? Is your family doing well?

If so, then live in today
Without concern for the what-ifs
To come tomorrow.

Today, rejoice.

Dishwasher

When the dishwasher went out again
With its fourth different error code,
We decided it was time for a new one.

After Phil researched as much as he could,
We drove to the appliance store
And talked to the salesman
Until we felt like we could make a reasonable decision.

And when we thought about delivery,
I was ready to get it loaded in the van
For Phil to install somehow
Until I looked at Phil’s face,
And thought that this is just one more small sacrifice
While his leg is broken and painful.

Four days until delivery and installation!

Apples of Gold

A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver.

We hosted a gathering
That I felt was a bit awkward,
And perhaps not quite what anyone had envisioned.

My friend said later,
I left encouraged.
I would invite people.

Retroactively, my memory
Of the entire evening
Changed.

Enough

My son and I, in celebration
Of his nascent teenager status,
Are reading the Bible in a year,
On our own,
But together.

A week after we started, I came across
A plan to read the Bible
Chronologically
In four months.

Tentatively, I proposed that,
But my son wasn’t interested.
I considered forging ahead on my own
Until I face-palmed
And realized

I am reading the Bible with my son!
Let that be enough.

Brothers, Asleep

After a storm knocked out the power,
Night fell,
Dark.

Caleb wandered the house, confused, but
Making happy noises, until,
After his brothers fell asleep,

He crawled into bed
Next to Abraham
And fell asleep, too.

My Heart Hurt

Newly cleaned baby in the bath
Figured out how to turn on the water.

Then he experimented.
Volume of water.
Draining the tub.
Hand pressed against spigot to shoot water out,
Filling up the rubber duck and
Squirting himself in the face.

But mostly he just let the water run over his hands:
Squat in the water, watching.
Stand in the water, touching.

But when he stood and put his bare belly
Against the running water,
White belly thrust out,
Ear-to-ear grin,

I wondered if I was strong enough
To contain the fierce joy and love
That surged through me.

A Relief

When I read the Bible,
I am often astounded
At my short attention span.

I can read whole novels
In a single sitting,
But two paragraphs of the Bible

And my mind wanders.
It was a relief then to read
That I am not alone in this.

If I am a running back, ready to win,
I might not reach the end zone
Because there is a defense opposing me.

Right.
And so I pray for focus,
And don’t get discouraged if

I need to talk to the coach
Before, and during, and after.
Actually, that’s better.

Transition

Walking down the driveway,
I thought suddenly of an
Acquaintance-friend
Who I talk to a few times a year,
And who, without a weekly time at church,
I might not see again, or only rarely,
And the sense of loss almost

Overwhelmed me.

Audio Bible

Going through the detritus of my life,
I recently rediscovered
An audio Bible.

The voices are fine,
But there’s an eerie background sound
At all times. Adding reverence?

We put it away a decade ago, mostly untouched.
I pulled it out today
And found that, if the house is quiet,

I enjoy the chance to listen
To a Shakespearean actor
Read the beautiful words

Beautifully.

Job

In yearlong reading plans,
I’ve never been enthusiastic
For the forty-two chapters of Job.

Yes, the opening two are gorgeous,
And the ending, where he has
Twice as much as before.

But in the middle: so much talk!

I started in today, trying to hear
The supercilious voices of the friends,
The plaintive voice of Job.

Eliphaz pipes up first. Besides telling Job
That all the disasters are all his fault,
He mentions a vision he had.

Job, aghast, suffering,
Cries, “Let me alone! And stop
Terrifying me with visions.

This was the book I thought boring?

The Day After Pentecost

A missionary asked,
How many became Christians
On the day of Pentecost?

You might think the right answer is
Three thousand.

But no.
The answer is zero.

The day after Pentecost,
None of those added to the number
Woke up and thought
I’m a Christian.

They were still Jews.

But now they were Jews
Following Messiah.

A French Town

The pacifist pastor of a French town
Kept the people from violence,

Kept Jews and refugees flowing through to safety,
Until the Nazi pressure increased

And the Resistance ousted the pastor.
They fought back through sabotage.

The pastor wondered, for the rest of his life,
If he had abandoned his post too easily or early.

To be a man of peace and principle is important.
To be a man who fights to protect the innocent is important.

In the face of evil, what is the right answer?
This is not a question with an easy answer.

Live according to your convictions
And trust that God is at work, even in those who disagree.

Drawing

A drawing teacher claims
That in 30 days,
Perhaps ten hours total,
He can teach anyone to draw
Enough to acquit oneself
Without embarrassment.

Four days in, I am impressed
With how a little instruction
On shading and perspective
Can make such a difference.
I am not an artist by any means.
But I like what I try and will try

More.

Marbles

As evening fell, I summoned the boys
For a drawing lesson.
Abraham, my artist, said he needed more time.
He was in the middle of something.

In a few minutes, he brought me a paper box,
Painstakingly cut out, folded, taped,
With a rubber band precariously
Holding the lid in place while threatening
To bisect the whole thing.

Inside, I found a cutout heart,
Colored red with pencil, with the words,
“I love you.”
And five marbles of varying size and shape.

Though I have always liked round things,
The marbles mystified me.
“I didn’t think you’d like me to take your chocolates,
And I didn’t know where to get jewels,
So I got you marbles instead.”

He had searched through his private box of treasures
And approximated as best he could.
Sweet son, I thank you.
Now let’s create, together.

The Boxcar Children

An abandoned boxcar in a clearing,
A place for the four Boxcar Children to live.
How idyllic! I loved that book.

I lived in a construction trailer for some years
Before I realized that this childhood dream of mine
Had come true.

Friendship II

Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.

We think of friendship as a pleasure—
Companionship, mutual interest, laughter, joy.

But if the greatest love is to lay down one’s life
For friends—
That indicates suffering.

Do we even have a concept for such
Friendship?

Friendship

Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.

Simon of Cyrene:
Image of friendship?

Involuntary: seized to bear.
Obligated. Compelled.

Enter in to suffering.
Lighten the load of another.

There is beauty in the humanity
Of the Creator and Savior

Relying on a man.
Image of friendship?

Yes.

Household

Now therefore ye are no more strangers and foreigners, but fellowcitizens with the saints, and of the household of God.

The Church emphasizes the family.
The family is important.

Yet what if the concept of
Household
Is actually

Better?

Used thirteen times more
In the New Testament,

A household does not
Discriminate
Against unmarried roommates
Encouraging one another.

If a household, they are not
Biding their time
Until the apotheosis
Of marriage
Occurs
(If it ever does).

They,
We,
Are
Right now
In the school of
Love.

Living and Active

Therefore the LORD will cut off from Israel head and tail, branch and rush, in one day; the ancient and honorable, he is the head.

Reading my Bible,
This verse jumped out.
In context, it did not apply at all,
And yet it spoke to me.

A friend had gone to El Salvador
And spent a week with a man
Who knew God and took
The Spirit with him where he went.

I want to be like that man,
And I want someone to disciple me,
Lest I be like one with a head cut off,
Without an older to guide me.

A Win

My friend felt God told her that she and her sister
Would have babies at the same time,
But her sister married and birthed
And no husband appeared.

So my friend figured that perhaps she should
Prepare, and spent some years changing her diet,
Fine-tuning her body, so that,
Should the husband appear, she would be ready.

And then, in one calendar year:
Met a man of God, married him, conceived.
In the next calendar year:
New job for him, new city for both, new life!

We rejoice for the faithfulness of our God.
We rejoice for the faithfulness of our friend.

In the Country

The baby and I were looking at a picture book,
When he glanced out the window and
Kept looking.

I had not heard the wind pick up,
But the trees across the clearing
Violently tossed their green against a grey sky.

So often I don’t see the scenery
Until its wildness shakes me out of complacency to say,
You are here!

Gift of Faith

As I pray and work and rest each day,
I am not stirred up, not emotional, not despairing.

I read today about the gift of faith,
That trusts God to do what is best.

I would like to think that’s what I have,
Instead of a complete lack of empathy.

Four Oppressions

Early believers
Introduced others to
Jesus
Who liberated them from

Unlawful sex
Magic arts
Escalating private wealth
Violent xenophobia

Apparently, there’s nothing new under the sun.

May liberation come again.

New Glasses

Caleb came in wearing
Mr. Potato Head glasses,
Yellow, plastic, small.

I kissed him
And photographed him
And sent him on his way.

Disconnected

For a year, Phil has felt his spirit swelling.
Something is coming, something new.
For a year, he has felt uncomfortable.

I have been, at times frustrated.
How can it be right to feel so wrong?

Then God spoke.

This sense of frustration was, perhaps,
Also the move of the Spirit,
A discomfort that was really

A readying for the next thing.

In Celebration of Cheesecake

Overheard, about my cheesecake:

This is amazing.
Best homemade cheesecake I’ve ever had.
My daughter just tried it and said I had to eat some right now.
I don’t even like cheesecake much, but this is amazing.

Oh, phew! There’s two!

Friends Take Over

To celebrate Jadon’s birthday,
Two of our friends planned
An elaborate sleepover for him,
Complete with detailed (yet vague) itinerary,
Such as this jewel of a line:

9:56 PM Jadon Becomes a Man.
Location: classified.

Withdrawal

Embarrassed that I spent a half hour
Reading up on the news and a basketball star
And general life announcements and photos,
I pulled the plug on the social media temptation.

Now, when I get antsy for interaction
Before bed, when all is quiet,
I write again instead of read.

I am missing the photos and announcements.

But maybe I am processing my life better!

Going, Healed

A man could not discern God’s will.
Alone, he determined to pray until he had clarity.

In the end, he realized he only said,
“Yes, but—” with this excuse or that.

He determined that from this step on,
He would practice obedience.

His first step felt like he sprained his ankle,
That ankle shot in war, permanently damaged.

The second step was pain-free.
“And going, they were healed.”

Not Lost

I was only fifteen, yet I clearly remember my mood going from lost and frightened to safe and calm. Can you imagine what a sermon like that meant to us at a time of fear and despair? To be told, in church, that if the military situation had changed, our source of inspiration had not: it was still to follow in the steps of Jesus and the New Testament. We were not lost. We still had a direction.

When Germany conquered France
In World War II,
A pastor reminded his flock
That the call had not changed.
Love your enemies.
Show kindness.
Forgive.
Obey the Gospel.
Trust God, today and every tomorrow.
Do not grasp for self-preservation,
But share with those who come.

That community saved thousands.

Thanks be to God.

A Compliment

I have sent an email to a mother of sons every week for some months,
To let her know how her boy is doing.
A life change might mean that no longer happens.
Would another take over that task?

A friend said, “No, Amy, no one else will do that.
You are unique in how you care for people.”

And my husband said, “Amen.”

Watching

I watch those around me react to bad news
With despair and confusion and deep, deep grief.

And I feel none of those things,
So I wonder: am I at fault? Or are they?

Delayed

My young friends, nieces by affection,
Spent this month living their normal lives.

When the day came for them to travel,
Their flight left on time.

On landing, they went directly to the hospital,
Where all six children spent time with their mother

For a few hours
Before she went on life support.

Covered

The call for twenty-four hour prayer went out
As I was baking a birthday cake,
Preparing to meet a guest for the first time,
Still recovering, interminably, from a cold and sore throat.
The idea of finding a half hour uninterrupted
Was beyond imagining.

A day later, I thought to check the prayer schedule
And there were no times that yet needed to be claimed.
And I could have cried in relief that this, too,
Was covered, that though I may be a derelict friend,
That God knows my frame, and that I could pray
As I go about my day, adding my prayers to the others.

Waiting

My friend rests in a hospital room
And we wait to see how God will heal her.

Listening to Fools

The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God.

It is easy to read my weekly news magazine,
With its glossy pages and interesting tidbits.
It projects urbanity and intellect,
And I appreciate the wide reach of information.

And yet, I wonder at the cost.
Their assumption is that only fools would believe
Those old myths;
That my view of the world is the purview of hate-mongers.

But if I have the words of life;
If my God can raise people from the dead,
And alone offers restoration and forgiveness and truth:
Just who here is the fool?

On Your 28th Birthday

Last year on this date,
My hope for you was that you would know
A little bit of your worth, your value,
Not just to me, but to all of us,
Your friends and family.

And even last year, I knew that
I wouldn’t need to repeat that effort,
That this year you would be in a different place.
I had hope for good things for you.
And that hope has come to pass.

And you sat on my couch
And again we talked about everything:
The little stories of those we love
And the things we love: God and worship
And people. And I was so deeply glad.

Almost a Teenager

When asked about whether he thought
He would feel any different on his upcoming birthday,
The one that will propel him from childhood, my son said:

I will get acne
And become sullen
And angsty.
My voice will change and
I will grow tall
And develop urges.

And my friend who asked
Thought, well, there’s nothing wrong with
His wit and sense of humor.

New Clothes

The brothers got a box
With new swim trunks, new shirts.
Caleb watched the brothers carry theirs away.

And then he stepped up and took his,
Chest thrust out,
So proud to be a big boy,

Carrying his clothes.

Hummingbird Feeder

One of the last things
Before the fracture:
Phil hung my hummingbird feeder.

It might need to be a little lower for perfect viewing,
But as it is, I sat through the afternoon,
Visiting with a friend,

And watching the ruby-throated beauties
Come and go. So tiny, so speedy;
Such a privilege for them to come to visit.

Be Anxious for Nothing

I organized a small assembly
To sing of the Holy Spirit
And share the ways the Spirit works.
Beautiful, the things shared.

But one song I had misprinted,
A beautiful song that so few knew,
And so what should have been lovely
Was embarrassing.

And of all the evening,
That’s what I remember.
I needed this reminder:
Be anxious for nothing—

Not even your failures.

Light Bulb

Once Phil was away a week
And came back to two burned out bulbs.
Perhaps the small things fall apart
To remind wives of the ways husbands help.

The day after we realized Phil broke his leg,
I wondered desultorily
How long
Before a light bulb burned out.

One burned out that evening.

Three days later, a second bulb burned out,
And took with it: the ceiling fan.
It might be a long summer.