The Search

“Homeopathic remedies, oral dermatitis.”

Natrum muriaticum showed up as an example case.

Nat mur people are grief-stricken and closed, 

And I have never thought about that as a remote possibility for me.

I feel like I handle grief well, and process through my emotions.

I am happy to talk about most anything with people.

But reading the description was incredibly hopeful for me.

Perfectionistic, responsible, strong, sensitive.

Dislike chicken.

Suppress their grief so much they don’t know they’re grieving.

Like music and reading. 

Good at listening to others, though they rarely share their own issues.

Loves deeply, but finds it hard to communicate that.

Want to avoid hurting someone at all costs.

Want to avoid being hurt—and so sometimes avoid relationships, 

Going into a shell.

Fundamentally kind. (My mom always says, “You’re way nicer than I am.”)

This is a melancholic remedy, not a choleric remedy.

Both resonate almost equally, but I think I feel sad more than angry.

And I kept thinking about this.

I always wear black.

Books are my crying outlet, or worship songs at church.

Three years ago, when my face broke out, 

Our best couple friend was dying,

And one of my best friends was almost engaged and disengaging.

My friend wrote a poem about how I carry my pain on my face—

And my face has had the dermatitis for three and a half years now.

A lovely season of close friendship was coming to an end.

I write poems every day. 

I took the remedy.

I had a vivid, very cathartic dream. 

It was not a happy dream, but it was productive and prayed over.

I cried through church.

And I wanted to put my head down on Phil’s shoulder—reaching out.

Can I please be a Natrum muriaticum person? 

It would make my life make so much sense.