Ein Deutsches Requiem

That most sweet of composers,
Brahms, wrote a German Requiem
So lovely it defies description.

I lived two blocks from campus. Grieving,
I walked one day to see a performance
And sat entranced, in tears.

When the orchestra and the choir build
Together the swirling darkness to proclaim
“Denn alles Fleisch, es ist wie Gras,”
I feel physically that my flesh, all flesh, is as grass,
Even as my scalp crawls with shock at the beauty.

Today I watch badly pixellated minifigures
Playing online. So pathetic by comparison.
And yet it still brings me to tears.

Harmony

There are almost eight years
Between my youngest brother and me.
When I was thirteen, we would put on
Elton John’s “Harmony.”
My arm around his shoulders,
We would sway as we belted it out
Together.

Things That Make Me Go Hmm

My son woke me three times in the night.
“I’m having nightmares, Mommy.
Pray for me.”

Another son could not settle in to sleep.

A friend asked me to pray:
“It’s one of those days.”

The rain is falling.

My communications are imperfect at best.

Is this a shakeup in the heavenlies?
Or just a change in barometric pressure?

Good Appetite

My baby ate chicken off my pizza.
I thought he was full.
I got a little cup of ice cream. He tried it.
The first bite of frozen food was rough,
But he opened up for a second bite.
Again and again, until his whole body
Shivered.
He ate the whole cup.

I guess he was not full.

Cool

Years ago, a friend was learning about prayer.
The prayer warriors she knew were all
A little strange.

“I know I’m cool. Is it bad to admit that I’m not sure
I want to give that up to be powerful in prayer?”

I have never been that cool.
The idea that I could be even less so by praying
Was a deterrent.

I think I’m ready now, though.

Shadowbox a Cow

The animals’ disregard for my schedule annoys me.
One summer I faithfully went to milk daily,
And the cow was always hiding in the thickets
And her calf had always just nursed her dry.
An hour’s unpleasant effort for no payout.

Did I mention she was cantankerous?

One scorching day, I couldn’t take another minute.
Furious, I found myself shadowboxing her,
As she stood five feet away, calming chewing her cud,
Mocking me with her emotionless eyes.
I didn’t strike her, but spent my rage on the air.
It didn’t diminish the anger, as

Then I was furious for being furious.
Add some self-condemnation to make an untenable situation
That much worse.

I needed to learn that emotions just are what they are.
No need to feel angry for being angry.
And sometimes anger is justified.

Baby Curls

When I was four, I went shopping with my dad
For a present for my mom.
He picked out some perfume, and I remember
The saleswoman saying,
“What a beautiful girl,” and giving me
A box with tiny pillow and vial of perfume, gratis.

I look at my baby’s little blonde curls behind his ears
And understand how affection for sweet things
Might make a person behave
Irrationally.