So Angry

A male-to-female transgender

Describe as 

“Such a beautiful young lady.”

And I am angry, angry, angry

About the lying. 

Angry to the point my head throbs.

Sick at Heart

When Jadon was one week old,

He went to church for the first time.

In the nursery, a little five-year-old said,

“You wouldn’t want to let a five-year-old hold him,

I bet.”

But of course I did.

And I hold the memory of that sweet boy,

Sitting on the small school chair,

Holding a tiny baby, 

So gently.

That sweet boy loved dolls.

He loved pink.

He walked on his toes,

Which some thought 

Effeminate.

In the years since,

Every time I’d hear about 

Transgenderism,

I’d think of that boy.

Was that his chosen definition?

Today I saw the college graduation photo

Of a broadly smiling girl, 

Lipstick, earrings, dress, rainbow stole,

Juxtaposed against the photo

Of that very precious five-year-old.

And I think of surgery and lifelong drugs,

Sterility, increased risk of suicide,

Anger at the world, anger at God,

The failed marriage of his parents.

And I am so terribly, terribly sad.

Return

After trying for days

To make the blood flow,

First thing this morning

It did.

So much relief.

And, if I’m honest,

Just a little bit more

Sadness

Than I’ve ever felt before.

Is it time to try again?

At Six Months

The final split now half a year ago.

The world has kept turning.

You’ve gone through the motions.

I don’t think there’s comfort in this.

But here’s an acknowledgement,

If not a commemoration.

Announcement

The pastor asked if I’d talk about my idea,

The Prayer Pip Challenge. 

Not many were at Sunday school today,

But a few were.

The first intrepid Pipsters,

Ready for beta!

Done/Not Done

A week ago, I read an article by a woman

Who faced the question:

“Are you done?”

And she wrote she was done 

With no sleep, squabbles, morning sickness,

The ever-expanding belly.

But she wasn’t quite sure she was done 

With newborn snuggles, first steps,

Seeing a new personality unfold.

Already Preparing

Last Sunday, the thought struck me:

I don’t think I’m supposed to do the clinical homeopathy program.

Three days ago, I started taking vitamins again.

Last week, I was looking at pregnancy tinctures

I made years ago. Almost tossed them . . . but decided not to.

Haven’t gotten rid of the baby clothes, diapers, or seat.

Have started walking more steps every day.

Realized I needed to start spending real time with Caleb.